Novel Bin Chapter 40: Riftan’s POV
His heart began to pound violently and uncontrollably against his chest as he climbed up the stairs. Riftan repeatedly thought to himself that he was trembling due to the humiliation he was in. However, he couldn’t deny the urge he felt to run away like a coward. He took a deep breath as he reached the room and stood in front of it.
“Go in.”
The soldier who stood guarding by the door urged him to hurry. Riftan glared at him fiercely then pulled the doorknob. The light from the fireplace flared through the small opening of the door. Riftan swallowed dryly once more and finally opened the door wide enough to enter the room. Then, he saw Maximillian sitting on the bed covered in a golden veil.
Riftan hurriedly closed the door behind him. She was wearing a dress so thin that it embarrassed him. As he ran his gaze through her slim figure outlined by the candlelight, the heat that arose in his body almost forced Riftan to take a step back.
Shamefully, his groin instantly became hard as a stone. His face contorted as he drowned himself in self-loathing, but he couldn’t bring himself to take his eyes off her. Her loose hair that fell to her waist glistened colorfully under the light and her pale skin blushed pink in a coveting manner.
He looked at her full lips and then dropped his gaze down to her deep-cut neckline. Her cream-colored breasts were half-showing over the slightly see-through thin linen dress she wore. His face burned up and his throat was scorched. He was speechless as he waited for her to open her mouth and say something. Unable to overcome his patience, he nervously walked towards the table where a glass of wine sat.
Then, Maximillian, who had not moved an inch, began to tremble like a bird. Riftan felt like someone had placed a block of ice on top of his head as he gazed down at her. Her gray eyes were begging, she didn’t want him to be here. Having his heart stabbed would probably hurt less than what he felt right now.
He turned away to hide his wounded expression and picked up the glass of wine. Then, he sipped the wine, buying time to calm down his nerves. It would do both of them better to accomplish the deed sooner than later. Riftan turned again to face her and spoke in a composed manner, suppressing the emotions from showing on his face.
“Take off your clothes.”
Then, he pulled his own clothes over his head and glanced at her. Maximillian blinked blankly like she didn’t understand what she had just heard. Riftan’s eyes frowned at the sight.
Back when he was a mercenary, most of the prostitutes who would secretly hide in the rooms of the inns where he stayed would take their own clothes off. It was all that he had experienced with women, they would crawl naked into his bed and he would struggle to prevent them from taking off his clothes.
Riftan turned his body towards her and nervously asked. “Should I be the one to take it off?”
She took in a sharp breath, shocked. Her eyes were filled with fear as she looked blankly at his exposed body in the light. It was very obvious that she didn’t have a good impression of his appearance. He felt like an ogre, seeing the expression on her face like she was about to faint.
“You’re looking at me terribly. My appearance doesn’t really suit your liking, does it?”
He asked in a sarcastic way but secretly hoped that even if it would only be a white lie, she would deny it. Instead, she only stammered impassively.
“I, I’m…”
However, no words followed her explanation. His lips twisted as he felt bitter and miserable. He asked himself why he felt so disappointed when he had been fully aware of her opinion of him, ever since she pulled away from seeing him. She would never have been in this situation if it weren’t for the Duke of Croix. He muttered words to himself.
“Of course, there’s no chance that a lowly knight would suit the duke’s revered eldest daughter.” After he spat those words out, he flinched. Didn’t that only mean that he wanted her to like him? Riftan then added hastily. “Take it off. We have to accomplish our duty.”
Her eyes were fixated on the floor as she sat still. Riftan stepped towards Maximillian and carefully lifted her face by holding her chin. It was his first time touching her ever since that incident in their childhood. His fingertips tingled at the contact with her soft, petal-like skin. Riftan exhaled hard to hide his feelings as he spoke.
“The marriage will become invalid if we don’t fulfill our first night. Are you refusing to do it?”
A clear look of pain surfaced on her pure, silver-like pupils. He yearned to embrace and comfort her as she was trembling pitifully, but he coldly spat out his words as if those feelings weighed them down.
“Tell me if you want me to put my clothes on again. Once we begin, we can’t stop in the middle of it.”
At his purposeful remark, she bit her lips and loosened her belt with trembling hands. Riftan held his breath as she took off everything one by one and placed them by the bedside. She took a long time fiddling with the straps of her dress before she finally loosened them, just before he collapsed from strained breathing. Her ivory-colored back and round shoulders became exposed under the light. However, as if she didn’t have the courage to reveal more of her skin, she clutched the hem of her dress tightly against her chest.
Riftan could no longer bear the tension that was about to burst inside of him and hastily tried to tug the dress away from her. He didn’t want to endure this difficult situation just as much as she did. He didn’t want to see her trembling like someone who had been sentenced to face her death. He was so horrified of himself because even in a moment like that, his body felt so aroused that he couldn’t control it. He just wanted to hurry and put an end to all of that.
“W-wait…” As the dress slid down to her waist, she covered her chest with her hands. Riftan bored his eyes on her.
“Put your hands away.”
“Wh-why, the clo-clothes…”
Her confused appearance made Riftan’s fingers pull away. He wondered if nobles did it with their clothes on. He had seen mercenaries push women against the wall and do it with their skirts rolled up, but he heard and was well aware that women in fact didn’t like that.
Riftan felt impatient as she constantly tried to buy time and then asked her sternly. “You want me to head out, or you don’t want me to. Make up your mind clearly.”
She lowered her arms in resignation. Riftan froze and felt his head drain of blood. She was so beautiful that it made his heart stop beating. He had suffered from aggressive seductions ever since his teen years, to the point that he grew sick of seeing women’s naked bodies, but his mind was befuddled right now. He swallowed loudly.
His body felt hotter than it would have been if it were on fire. His gaze trailed down her round breasts, flat stomach, and slender calves. A suppressed moan erupted from his throat. There was really no turning back now. He didn’t even know if there was any desire to turn back in him.
He murmured like a lost man and caressed her with his trembling hands. The bones in his body felt like melting butter on a summer day. His stepfather was in prison because of him, and his subordinates were in a circumstance of being dragged into risking their own lives, yet he was the only one right now who was experiencing heaven.
Riftan lowered his head and poured passionate kisses all over her body. The woman she had dreamt of all his years was finally in his own arms. He couldn’t control himself. He may never be able to touch her again after today, he may never be able to see her again.
He could no longer keep in his desperate desire and dug into her. That place was like a heaven made out of fire. He felt ecstatic at the painful, enchanted paradise he was in. His whole body shivered. He tried his best to restrain his movements and let her adjust to him, but he couldn’t manage to control himself, tasting pleasure for the first time in his life.
Eventually, he began to move like an unbridled beast. His long-buried passion engulfed him like a tsunami and his willpower collapsed like a sand castle. He felt like he was suffering from a terrible thirst and slid his tongue into her mouth.
Her moans tickled his throat and all his guts felt like they were about to melt away. Her thin, soft limbs, moist and mellow skin, and her sweet scent, all took his soul away. It felt like he could swallow all of her, not even leaving a strand of hair. Riftan groaned violently and poured all his desires inside of her.
“Ugh…”
He must have been so out of his mind that his brain was at a staggering state, when he suddenly heard a sniffing sound. He lifted his head and saw tears faintly glistening her feverish face. He looked down at her with frozen eyes.
“Why are you… crying?” She turned her head away to hide her tears. He clasped her face and then turned her by her cheek to look at him. “Don’t avoid me.”
Then, she stared at him with hazy eyes filled with shame, confusion, and loss. Riftan swiveled her face and wiped the tears away from her cheeks. Shame and self-loathing also rose within him like wildfire. He embraced her tightly, feeling a mixture of frustration, sadness, and hostility.
Memories from his childhood came over him. He wanted to embrace in his arms the girl who looked terribly lonely. He wanted to protect her from anyone who would harm her. The fact that he had made a mess of something that he had cherished for so long with his own hands was inconceivable.
Riftan supported her, clinging to her with his arms as she hung weakly. Then, he muttered emptily as he kissed her tears and sweat away from her temples.
“You are my wife now. Whether you like it or not, there’s no turning back.”
Everything was a mess, but still, being in this situation brought them together. He kissed her on the lips. All was well now. Although this would never make her want him for the rest of her life, if luck would be on his side, he would at least die as her husband.
He felt guilty from burying into her and turned to look away. That night would be such a terrible memory for her. He shuddered forebodingly, thinking that she would have to bear with this forever, that thought repeating in his mind over and over again.
Note – LF: It is affirmative, Riftan’s first and only is Maxi. The sad thing is, Maxi was frightened ‘cause she never had proper education about this ☹ Neither did Riftan, so it hurt her during their first night </3 This is such a bittersweet chapter ☹